On depression

Confession: I think about depression a lot. Probably because its something I have, have dealt with, and will deal with again, most likely for the rest of my life. Sometimes I am at peace with that, sometimes I am distraught, but mainly at peace. It has become a paradoxical friend, because I have never been more scared as to what is happening to me, and yet in a alarmingly strange way, more excited, because depression is Dark, and in darkness, there is so much room for light reveal Truth.  I also have never felt farther and more isolated from God, yet NEVER have I been more aware of Him, His nearness, and more has been spoken to me through depression, then at any other time. So I can't imagine why people who do not experience depression, have such a hard time understanding it (this is sarcasm for those who can not  tell). 8 months ago (according to Facebook) I wrote a little piece called "The Joy Thief"  about how the being is effected by depression, and I'm really proud of it and I really want to share it agian. I have many more thoughts on this subject, but I am tired, and can sense my reasoning slowing beginning to slip, so I leave you with "The Joy Thief."

Depression is a cruel joy thief. It takes everything you love, everything that encompasses a person, and replaces it with a horrific illusion of nothingness, that becomes a twisted view of reality. One starts to believe this new nothing reality, and suddenly the appeal to live life, starts to slip. Relationships cease to matter, motivation is laughable, getting out of bed is torture and you wish to spit on the ridiculous notion of “carpe diem. “  Joy, not even a hint of it, is found in the everyday and slowly but surely, despair grasps the mind with icy hands and the breakdown of the psyche continues. Despair erodes the mind and eats the soul. It isolates you and screams “worthless, worthless, you are creation most vile, most despised!” The mind starts to feel trapped and isolated with mournful whispers of self hatred, and the dark refrain continues to sound, over and over. Solace is sought in isolation far away from the last remnants of light and love, and the tragic lie sinks down to the chambers of the heart and imprisons the soul. Everything is darkest night and there is no longer joy or love, or laughter, and hope is silenced. Fear, anxiety, and shame become your unholy wardens,and they only joy is theirs as they delight in beating you down, and feasting on your remains. Endless night after endless night, all is torment and agony, but then. Yes then, right as it seemed as if all that will ever be known is complete and total despair and brokenness, Love simply walked in. It has been there since the beginning, always whispering, but other voices were louder, drowning it out. So ever patient, it waited until the exact moment when the rending of soul occurred,because it is at that moment, that the heart becomes the most receptive. Love, in its perfection, casts out fear, and anxiety, and shame, it takes despair by the throat and breaks it, only to restore it to hope most radiant. It washes clean the festering places of the soul, where ancient wounds have been left to rot and poison the being. It returns joy and depression recedes to where it is a long ago, but intimately familiar nightmare. The mind clears and soul awakes to Truth and Light, and suddenly life has new and profound meaning.